Doesn't Matter
by Erebos Brando
Summary: In life, we make sacrifices. In time, we count their costs. Every time they meet, Taiga counts hers.
1. What is

Author's Notes: An idea born in my dreams (seriously, I get some interesting ideas while sleeping). I had a very brief vision. It was only a few seconds worth of dream (I woke up right after...bugger), but the idea had been implanted. Gift from the Gods or my inconsistent sleep patterns screwing with my head? Take your pick, I'm leaning towards the latter.

This takes place many years after the time frame of the anime. Also has some changes made to the cannon, you'll quickly notice them/figure them out.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

In an empty street in the middle of the day, as a bright sky loomed overhead, a lone figure walked. The repetitive clapping of her shoes was the only sound she made as she walked, a plastic bag in her left hand. She suddenly stopped, turning slowly to see her destination. A house, not unlike the few dozen that lined this particular street, and the several surrounding it. Yet this house was distinct from the rest.

It was her destination. Moving some golden-brown locks behind her shoulder she approached the red door of the household. She considered just placing the bag on the doorstep and leaving, but maybe she'd be lucky today, and there was someone inside she wished to see.

She knocked.

She waited for a moment, half wondering if she had even been heard. Her question was answered when she heard something behind the door, something operating the door.

It opened.

Oh...not who she wanted to see.

"T-Taiga."

She could only nod, her calm façade perfectly disguising the range of emotions which swept underneath the surface. It could not, however, perfectly control her functions, so it was a seconds before she could restore the power of speech. Perfectly the façade controlled her voice, and it betrayed nothing of what was under it.

"Ryuuji."

A breeze passed over the world, but neither seemed to notice. Both stood there, one trying to find something to say, the other keeping silent. A moment passed, before one finally found his tongue.

"H-how are-"

"Taiga!"

Ryuuji turned around, giving himself and Taiga a view of, "Minorin!"

Ryuuji was smart enough to move out of the way as Minori charged forward, glomping Taiga before their nuzzling began. Ryuuji smiled, walking away. In all these years, the affectionate nature of their greetings had not changed. He made his way into the kitchen, tea was in order by the looks of it.

After a moment their strange ritual of greeting one another was over, and Taiga pulled back, an apologetic look on her face. "Minorin, I can't stay, I just came to drop off something. I gotta get go-"

Minori only grinned. "None of that, none of that! Come in, come in!" She grabbed Taiga's empty hand and pulled.

"Minor-" A sudden stronger pull. "innn!" Taiga cursed under her breath, Minori quickly dragged her into the living room before leaving her. She knew where Minori was going of course, and she also knew why. She sighed. She was going to be here for a while, might as well pass the time. She looked around, taking in the various things which decorated the room, table, television, various valuables, before finding a small table in the corner of the room, which was home to many photographs. She approached it

She glanced around at pictures randomly, before she found the first of certain ones that caught her interest. This photograph was old, more than a decade so. It was of that class trip to Okinawa, so many years ago...

The picture had been taken at night time, the thousands of lights behind the two people in the picture illuminating them with an ethereal glow. Minori was smiling, cheerfully waving at the camera with her face slightly flushed. With her was Ryuuji, who was also smiling, his arms wrapped around Minori's waist, and he was standing cheek to cheek with her. Taiga remembered this picture perfectly.

She'd taken it.

Her eyes darted across other photographs on the wall...

Next was a far younger photo, but neither of them seemed to have aged that much. Behind them, a Cherry Blossom tree was shedding its young to the wind, and at that moment pink petals had been dancing around them, but like the people themselves, the blossoms had been captured in time, though the petals themselves were now no more. They held hands, smiling, Ryuuji looking quite the gentleman, and Minori...pregnant, and far along if her sizeable belly were any indication.

That was a beautiful day.

She was a beautiful bride.

Next, there were two pictures tucked next together. One was only months later. Ryuuji and Minori, and a third person, so small, so precious. An exhausted Minori, and tired Ryuuji still found it in them to smile as they looked up at the camera, but the third member didn't even look, and wasn't even awake. He simply lay there in Minori's arms, too content to care about anything.

His name was Shusuke Takasu.

Next to that was a photograph taken a few years later. Shusuke was looking at the camera this time, and an innocent smile decorated his young face. Once more a tired couple looked up at the camera, a different sleeping bundle in Minori's arms this time. Unlike with Shusuke, Minori had been left in charge of naming this child, and she insisted her best friend was present when she announced the name of her second born.

Taiga Takasu.

She turned from the picture, glancing across others in rapid succession. Birthdays, other weddings, special occasions, the list went on. A married life in pictures, Minori's and Ryuuji's.

Every time she looked at these photographs she wondered: What would her life have been like? What pictures would she be gazing at if things had gone a different way?

"Taiga." She turned to face...him. Ryuuji had entered with a tray, looking around for Minori, but quickly giving up and shrugging. Like her, he could guess where she was, he also knew why that was. He lay the tray down on a table near the center of the room, settling himself onto a mat before starting to prepare the drinks. She watched him, noting that he still knew exactly how she liked her tea. He placed her cup across from his own before preparing and settling into his own tea.

She took a moment to simply stand there, not speaking, or doing anything. She tried to find some words to say, but found she had none. She also found she was not saddened by that fact. She took to the table too, sitting across from Ryuuji and taking her own tea. She didn't thank him, nor do he expect her to.

They simply drank, in silence. That screaming, all-consuming silence. The only sounds were the brief instances when one would drink from their cup, which only became more frequent as time wore on. The did not look at one another. Taiga kept her eyes to her cup, and Ryuuji did not keep his anywhere in particular.

She briefly looked up.

He briefly looked at her.

For one moment, they were eye to eye, for the first time in...Ryuuji did not know. Taiga did. She could have spoken the precise moment, and she could have told you what she did after it, as she was going to do now.

She turned away.

Ryuuji briefly looked down into his cup, taking another swig.

They could only wait for something to come and break this silence.

They did not need to wait long.

"Aunt Taiga!"

"Auntie me!"

Taiga turned around, her cup empty and forgotten as two masses suddenly collided against her. She looked down to see two small figures with their faces buried into her chest, and felt the very familiar sensation of two sets of arms upon her. Her ears were already full of familiar sounds.

"Hey, hey, aunt Taiga! I made my school's team! "  
"Auntie me, Mom won't let me try her nail varnish, will you talk to her for me?"

Taiga smiled, rubbing the children's hair was they continued to bombard her with random factoids and questions. School life, home life, interests, random little events. One by one these topics and more were passed over, until eventually Shusuke spoke something which caught a greater amount of her attention.

"It's been a while since we've seen you." He frowned. "You do love us, right?"

She lightly rubbed Shusuke's hair. "Yes. I keep telling you but you don't listen, do you? I swear you're just like your father."

Ryuuji briefly opened his mouth to speak, before he briefly paused, taking another sip from his tea. In the end he said nothing.

She felt something tugging at her coat, another Taiga was grasping for her attention.

"You love Mommy and Daddy too, don't you?"

Taiga opened her mouth to speak, but it sealed itself. For a moment her face was blank, the children did not understand why, nor did they need to wonder. In seconds she composed herself, and smiled.

"Yes, I love them both very much."

Ryuuji stopped in the middle of a sip, before he just completely emptied his cup. He rose to his feet silently, taking both used cups without drawing attention from his children.

She on the other hand realized he was leaving the second he stood up. She took a closer look at one who looked so much like him...

Shusuke.

He was so much like his father it was almost funny, that blue hair and those eyes. They were much like Ryuuji's, but it looked like a little of Yasuko managed to come out in this generation, and they were not as evil-looking. He was still going to intimidate many, but he'd have an easier time than his father had. His grin was from his mother, Taiga knew it too well to be mistaken.

She looked to Shusuke's sister.

Taiga...

This little girl represented much...much Taiga was unsure how to feel about. She would never tell Minori this, but she cursed the fact that Minori had chosen _her_ to name her daughter after. She'd take Yasuko, Sumarie, she'd have even preferred Ami! But Taiga...

Why oh why did she have to bare the name Taiga Takasu?

She had Minori's eyes. That shade of violet, but where were those honey-brown eyes? She had Minori's hair, but where were those golden-brown locks? She was the image of her mother, but where was the image of her? Where was she...where was that little girl named Minori?

She knew the answer to that, just as she learned where the namesake of that lost girl was.

"Ah, there you are!" Taiga looked up to find Minori, who was looking at her children with a smile. She saw Minori's eyes briefly dart over the room, and she guessed she'd not found what she was looking for. "Come on you two, let's stop annoying aunt Taiga." Both gave sounds of great displeasure. "Come on, I promised you two didn't I? We'd have a game in the back yard!"

That solved everything. "Yeah!" Shusuke stood up. "I'm winning today!"

"No you're not! I'm gonna be the best! Just like Mommy!"

Both children ran for the back yard. Minori smiled. "Sorry, Taiga, but after seeing me on TV they keep wanting to practice. Sorry, you caught me at a bad time." She started walking past Taiga, making her way for the kitchen, and the back door beyond. She stopped briefly. "Ryuuji isn't busy today, you two really should catch up." She left.

Taiga raised an eyebrow. That was the closest Minori had ever come to admitting it...

A minute later Ryuuji walked back in, briefly in his own little world before he suddenly seemed to realize Taiga was still there.

Once again, that silence was back. Ryuuji didn't know what to say. Taiga did, at least, she knew what she would want to, were things different, but what she could have said, should have been a long time ago. Now she did not want to say it. It was too late, her chance had been lost a long time ago.

Taiga still averted his gaze, though it did not seek her. Both merely sat there, not a word or interaction passing between them. Both despised these meetings. These moments where Minori would place them in the same room, alone. This was why Taiga was sure to time her visits when she was sure Ryuuji wasn't around.

Though both hated these times, though it was for different reasons.

It had been years since they had talked, really talked. Years since anything but pleasantries had passed between them. Nearly every meeting was...just like this.

Ryuuji despised what things had become.

Every time Taiga entered his home, she'd see the photographs, she'd see his children, she'd see his life. Seeing him, just made it all so much more clear. She despised her sacrifice. She wished she had fought for him, her selflessness was foolishness. Only too late had she realized she had made a mistake. Much too late to admit, and act upon the emotions her own heart.

They didn't matter anymore.

Under the table she clenched her fist, and with it she noticed there was nothing in her hand. She looked, finding the bag she had put down. She picked it up, and placed it on the table. "Minorin's birthday present. Sorry it's a little early, but I'm heading out-of-town for a few days." She looked to Ryuuji with a smile that did not reach beyond her lips. "Tell her goodbye for me, Ryuuji. And the kids too." She turned before receiving an answer, moving into the hallway to the front door in a few blinks of an eye. Ryuuji moved quickly, catching up with her just in time to see her grasping the handle of the door.

"Hey, Taiga, wait!" She stopped, but didn't turn around. "Stay! Yusaku and Sumire are visiting, they'll be here soon."

She was still, and silent for a moment, before, clutching the handle with a grip that could crush bone, she swung open the door, the brief breeze caused by it covering most sound. He barely heard her...

"He didn't keep his promise."

"Huh?"

Taiga shook her head. "Bye, Ryuuji."

"Tai-" She'd already walked away. He knew better than to attempt shouting for her attention. She wouldn't talk to him. If it had been Minori in his place then yes, she probably would have stopped, but he'd have no such luck. She would never stop for him.

He frowned. "Taiga..." He watched until she'd turned a corner and vanished. He knew he wouldn't see her for a while, a long one at that. Minori would, his children would, he wouldn't. He sighed, closing the door with a brief 'click'.

He turned around, walking into his living room with new weight in his step. So long had it been since they'd really talked. So long since they felt...close. He made his way to a small chest of draws, pulling out and reaching into the top one. He pulled out a photo album, and began flipping through it's pages, from back to front. He passed through much of his more recent years, then accidentally finding himself having gone too far back. He carefully turned the pages, before settling on a certain point in time.

Their class trip to Okinawa. The entire class (Yuri included) had gathered for a picture, their last night in Okinawa was to be commemorated with a photograph, someone had decided (he was sure it was Haruta's idea), and quickly everyone had been gathered. The hotel they were staying at was close to the sea, so close that from behind it a view of it could easily be seen, and they'd taken advantage of it. In two rows everyone had been put in order, half of them in front of the wall they were near, the other actually sitting on it. The bottom row was the one he was in, and he took careful note of his position, and those of people around them.

Minori stood on his left, Kitamura on his right. Ami was next to Kitamura and next to her...

Only now he realized. Taiga had been avoiding him even then. When had this happened? And why? Had he been so swamped in his euphoria with Minori that he hadn't even noticed? He snapped the album shut with a sigh. For whatever reason it was, he knew it couldn't have been something he'd done. He'd never hurt Taiga intentionally. He didn't deserve this avoidance, and she didn't deserve to in his life if that was her attitude.

Still, he missed her. Life was funny like that. She was a total pain in the ass, and had assaulted him on a regular basis, but still he'd liked keeping her around. She could show up tomorrow wanting to bury all these needlessly distant years, and he'd let it be so, but he knew that would never happen. Taiga was lost to him, and he'd never even know why.

He believed Minori did, and had known for some time, but if he ever brought up the topic she'd find a way to change it. He suspected that was why she tried to get Taiga and him to be alone whenever possible, to resolve whatever the reason was, but it'd been so long since the two of them had been content, or even comfortable in the company of the other. He flipped open the book again, searching for a particular photograph.

He smiled, sadly. The day of the culture festival of his second High School year. He and Taiga had been caught by surprise as they were preparing for the parts they were to play. Ryuuji was still in the middle of finishing the last touches of her costume. Neither was wearing a 'photo face', but that's what he liked about this picture. It was natural. It was them.

Them...

He missed 'them', but where had 'they' gone? When was the last time they had been close? He reached deep into his mind for this, and he had to go very, very far back, but he found it. He smiled. When he dressed up like Santa for her. How ironic it was, that the last time they were close, felt the closest they had ever been.

There was a sudden droplet on the plastic which protected the photo. He reached up to his face, realizing where it had come from. He gently closed the book again, closing his eyes...it was time to finally say it.

"Taiga..."

He placed the book back in the draw, sliding it shut with a thud, though gentle, seemed to reach every wall of the room. His voice was little more than whisper, but it too enveloped the room, as it did him.

"Goodbye."

He wiped his eyes, and in seconds he had erased all traces. He was still, for a moment. He suddenly was unsure of what to do. His thoughts were an echo of the silence around him. It was deafening. The sense of loss, of powerlessness in stopping it. Like a valuable part of him had gone. It was painful, but at the same time...

This was something that had happened _long_ ago. All he had done today was say the words. Yet still, he felt the loss. Life really was funny...but it did not always make you laugh. He wondered for a moment if he should ask Yusaku what this promise was, but he realized...Taiga was gone from him, and really had been for a long time.

It didn't matter anymore.

He turned around, walking over to the set of photographs that Taiga had been looking at only moments before. He picked up one of the older pictures. Graduation...so much time had past since then. This picture was unique, it was a façade. For this one preserved moment, one could not see the distance that was growing between himself and Taiga. She had taken a place beside him, Minori on his other side. She was smiling, as was he, and...he now noticed, their hands were so close together. He guessed that was Taiga's doing, because he didn't remember doing it, he was to busy clutching Minori's hand. After this day he wouldn't see Taiga for over a month, and even longer after that time, and so on, and so on, and so on...

Before today, it had been over a year.

Looking at this captured moment, where everything afterwards seemed to fade away...he could not help but reflect and wonder. There was a time, long ago, when if had things not...gone as they had...

He sighed.

Why was it, that his happiness had meant sacrificing Taiga?

His thoughts were penetrated by, "Arlight then kids, one quick game before Yusaku, Sumarie and the twins show up!"

"YEAH!"

Ryuuji's eyes turned to the window to his back yard, little Shusuke holding up a bat and Minori with a ball. He made his way to the window, watching the game play out intently. Cheerful, with more than a gentle touch of eccentric. That was his family. His home. His life. He smiled. He walked back to the table, photograph in hand, placing it back where it belonged; among other memories.

For his family, any sacrifice was worth the cost. So as for why it had it cost him so...

He grinned, running into the kitchen and out the back door, laughing as he rushed to join his family in their game.

It didn't matter.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

End

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Author's notes: I admit this one did not have as much of a real plot, but a plot wasn't the real aim with this.

I think we can firmly agree I'm evil, right? Right. I'm just not **completely** satisfied with a story unless I'm torturing at least one innocent character. (those of you who've suffered through my fan works on other franchises understand what I mean)

But remember; if I get therapy for this problem (or just start taking it out on real people) then I don't write anymore, and who **really** wants that?

(Don't answer that! Or I **swear** Kitamura is next!)


	2. What Was

Author's Notes: I mentioned in the original chapter that the idea for this fic came from a dream, well I decided to take what little I was able to draw from the scene in that dream and build a complete scene from there.

This takes place long before chapter 1, and is a distant prequel to it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Alone, Ryuuji sat, sipping coffee and softly smiling to himself as he took in the familiar scenery around him. This place, this particular table he sat at held many memories for him. Of these memories, the most vital, most cherished were all within the span of a single year. He recalled the first time he came here, and was treated to quite a beautiful sight. He looked across the table, recalling the faces of two friends, one of which he had met in this very place. He considered looking to his side for a moment, so that he might gaze upon another familiar face.

"Ryuuji." He turned to his other side, there was no need to look into a memory. She had changed so very little.

"Taiga."

Without word Taiga took a seat across from him, her gaze shooting to his side, looking for even the slightest trace of-"Where's Minorin?"

Behind his wavered smile Ryuuji frowned. How long had it been since Taiga had volunteered to be in his presence alone? A few years? Maybe more? He decided not to press the matter, or to describe it more accurately he knew pursuing it would do him no good. Instead he simply went down the route of honesty.

"She's visiting a doctor." Now he permitted himself to show his frown. "She hasn't been feeling well."

Taiga's hands harshly slammed into the table, and her tiny form sudden looked a lot bigger. "Then why are you here!? You should be with Minorin!"

Ryuuj raised both his hands, trying to keep Taiga from reminding him of her high school nickname. "Hey, hey, I wanted to, but she wanted me to come here. This is important, Taiga."

'tch' She shook her head as she sat back down. "Fine."

At that moment, a waitress made her way towards the table, and their conversation was put on hold. They made their orders, and for many minutes did not utter a word before their meals arrived. The first mealtime they had shared together in a very long time. They two sat there, eating in silence. Midway through a portion of his meal Ryuuji looked across to Taiga. How very nostalgic this was, sitting at a table alone with her. It really took him back, to distant days when they sat around that low table, sometimes silent, sometimes not, sometimes with Yasuko, and sometimes not. He was reminded of times after he and Minori became an item, and Taiga refusing to come over after that, no matter how consistently he'd offer. It was only now he realized he'd really missed Taiga being at the table, she had become...well, family. Yausko had summed her up well.

Yet _family_ was far too strong a word to describe the pair of them now, even _friends_ no longer seemed to have a place between them. What were they now, he wondered. Some more time passed, Ryuuji eventually finishing up the last of his light meal, looking over to find Taiga lightly poking at the remains of her pork cutlet. She didn't look at him before-"So what did you wanna talk about?"

He watched her, still poking away at what remained of her meal. He took a deep breath. "Me and Minori." Taiga stopped poking her food. He smiled, one more genuine than Taiga had ever seen from him, at least it would have been had she been looking.

"We're getting married, Taiga."

-clink-

Taiga's fork had fallen onto the plate. For a moment her hand remained open, before it closed once again. She did not reach down for her fork, instead pulling her hand back from the table completely. She didn't look up at him, and her voice inanimate as she spoke. "Congratulations."

He smiled, too happy to have really noticed the change in her tone. "She wants you to be there, Taiga. Actually, she won't go ahead with it unless you're there. You're the one who brought us together after all." He frowned, hoping that if not for him, then for Minori..."Will you come?"

Silence came.

He watched her for a moment. She still didn't look up, and somehow she seemed to be become...smaller. Her body seemed to be constricting. He heard a brief sound, beneath the table on Taiga's side, but let it slip by unquestioned. Seconds passed, then handfuls of them. It was a minute before she finally gave him an answer.

"Yes."

The density of the silence seemed to thin, and it became something more resembling comfortable, but only resembling. A true comfortable silence between the two was something only in those distant days. Ryuuji picked up his cup, emptying it a bit further of its beverage, his suddenly amused eyes on the person across from him.

Taiga picked up her glass, sucking on the straw to extract the iced tea from within. Ryuuji watched her drink, her eyes closed. He resisted the urge to chuckle, she'd always been like that. She could be so dignified at the table when she felt like it, but behind the dignified composure lived a creature that breathed violence and expelled devastation upon anyone stupid enough to challenge her. He wondered if she still carried that wooden sword. He blinked, that wooden sword, now did _that_ take him back...

"It's kinda funny, isn't it?" He turned out the window, his gaze casting back through time. "How it all started." He smiled fondly, even through the memories that came to the front of his mind. "All over a deal. And here we are." His smile faded. "It's a shame about Kitamura though." He turned from the window. "We never did find someone for you..."

Taiga slammed her glass on the table, her voice sharp and suddenly fierce. "All this time and you're _still_ fussing over my life? I told you before that I don't need you to get by, Ryuuji!"

That stung him, but he would not let make a fight of it. "Taiga." His tone was stern, and strong, one of someone who _would_ be heard. "Please. I'm trying to say something."

Finally, Taiga met his eyes.

_Christmas..._

It suddenly struck Ryuuji that that was when he had met her eyes last, on a Christmas eve so long ago. When she'd sent him out the door, to soon fulfil his heart's desire and finally tell Minori how he felt. Oh what a night that had been. Their confessions, their fist kiss, and then walking home with her. Taiga's true gift...she truly earned a thousand pairs of wings that night, she deserved so much more than to spend the night alone.

He only wondered now, and with a strong sense of guilt did he do so. Had she really been alright after he'd left her?

Perhaps his sense of guilt is what brought these words to the surface so easily, so honestly. It may have always been him doing all the little things. The cleaning, the cooking, the little day-by-day things. That may have all been him...

Yet in the end, it was her who came through for him.

He smiled.

"Thank you, Taiga."

Even years on, Ryuuji would not be able to describe every change that passed in her eyes oh so quickly. First they widened, the surfaces of them becoming flooded with emotion, emotion all too brief to read. They became softer, for an instant as they looked at him. Then, like a butterfly from a cocoon, something beautiful was born in them.

Beauty that really did befit her. For a moment, something thought forgotten stirred within him. For just a moment, time had turned back its hands. They were seventeen again. The strange nostalgia came back once more. For once instant, he felt close to her again.

For one brief instant...

Taiga closed her eyes, for just a few seconds they were closed before they were opened. They were normal again. The passage of whatever he had seen lost to him forevermore. Whatever he had seen gone with it.

Whatever had stirred within, it too had gone again, to sleep, and even it knew, it too would be forevermore. Their closeness gone with it, it too forevermore. Now once again it was just the two of them, gazing eye-to-eye, yet a thousand miles between them would not have increased their distance. They remained that like for only seconds, rapidly vanishing seconds...

She turned away.

Her body turned with her. Her legs moved to outside of the table, her face partly bowed as her hair moved to hide her from him.

"You're welcome, Ryuuji."

She stood up, quickly walking away without another word. He watched her go, her demeanour one he could not read, perhaps not anymore, or he just could never read her that well to begin with. Her pace seemed so ladylike, so confident. She approached the door, as it opened by the arm of the customer on the other side. Taiga did not slow down, and they evaded her. Their expression betrayed a sliver of fear, one Ryuuji could recognize from years gone by, but he had no time to ponder what he had seen.

She was gone.

Ryuuji frowned. "Goodbye..." He wondered when he'd see her again. He sighed, he had a strong feeling it wouldn't be until the wedding.

Ryuuji stayed for a while after that, finishing the remnants of his coffee and paying the bill. As he finished his last swig he placed the cup down and sighed. Why was she like this these days? It'd been months since they'd seen each other last, and now she just up and left like that. He shook his head, before standing up and making his way out, muttering something to himself as he went.

He walked down the staircase, reaching the side-walk and gazing up into the mid-morning sky. He smiled. He and Minori were going to get married, and he was confident that whatever was making Minori ill wasn't anything to worry about. This was a good day! He walked out into the sun, and the words he had muttered to himself somehow made all the sense in the world.

_Doesn't matter._

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

End

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Author's notes: -puts down the poker- Okay! I'm done torturing Taiga! (I think...ideas are always bouncing in my brain)

...

Oh look, thumbscrews! **Taigaaaa!**


End file.
